Sunnah & Etiquettes of Consummation of Nikah

If you are Newly Married and reading this, First on behalf of NikahKaro Team, Congratulations on your marriage!

The first night together as a married couple is a significant milestone, filled with excitement, anticipation, and perhaps a touch of nervousness. As a comprehensive way of living and a complete way of life, it is an obvious fact that Islam provides solutions for this particular time as well as all other situations and events that could arise in marital life. And fully aware of the psychological complexities of spouses, as well as the inherent inhibitions and fears of two individuals who’ve only met for a brief time, Islamic guidelines for the first night of marriage focus more on building confidence emotional bonding, and nurturing the spiritual roots for the sacred union of Nikah, than sexual relations itself.

The husband should not rush into taking the virginity of his wife, however, take a calm and steady approach regardless of whether it takes a couple of days. The newlyweds will have all their lives in front of them for sexual relations and there’s no reason to rush this. The majority of the first night should be spent becoming acquainted with one another and discussing each other’s views on life and the way the couple’s life together is to be conducted in line with Islamic principles. However, they may begin to get intimate with one another in the way that they feel at ease. Let’s explore how to make the most of this special occasion, drawing inspiration from the Quran and Hadith.

1. Offer a Gift

The Prophet said:

Exchange gifts, as that will lead to increasing your love to one another.

Al-Bukhari.

For the wedding’s first night there isn’t a predetermined wedding gift. It could be anything that is permissible, big or small, depending on the person’s budget. A husband could also offer his wife something to drink as is found in the hadith narrated by Asmaa’ bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan who said:

I prepared ‘Aishah as a bride when she married the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). I came to him and invited him to see her (uncover her face). So he came and sat beside her, and a large cup of milk was brought to him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) drank some, then offered it to her, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I rebuked her and said: ‘Take it from the hand of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).’ So she took it and drank a little, then the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to her, ‘Give some to your companion (meaning himself).’

(Reported by Imam Ahmad and deemed sahih by al-Albani)

2. Pray Salah Together

Starting your first night with a prayer can set a positive tone. Pray two rak’ahs with her, leading her in prayer, because this is reported as being the practice of the salaf (early generations). It was narrated from Abu Sa’id, the freed slave of Abu Usayd, which states that a group of the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) taught him and told him:

When your wife comes in to you, pray two rak’ahs and ask Allah for the goodness of what has come to you, and seek refuge with Him from its evil.

This prayer not only invites Allah’s blessings into your marriage but also reminds you both of the importance of seeking His guidance in your life together.

3. Make Dua for your Spouse

Hold the forelocks (hair of the forehead) of her head saying “Bismillah” and asking for barakah (blessing), saying the words reported in the hadith narrated by ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn al-‘As, who said that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:

When one of you marries a woman or buys a servant, let him say:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ خَيْرَهَا وَخَيْرَ مَا جَبَلْتَهَا عَلَيْهِ وَأَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شَرِّهَا وَمِنْ شَرِّ مَا جَبَلْتَهَا عَلَيْهِ

‘Allahumma inni asaluka khairahu wa khaira ma jabaltahu alayh; wa a’oothu bika min shari-hee wa shari ma jabaltahu alayh’

(O Allah, I ask You for her goodness and the goodness which You have created in her, and I seek refuge with You from her evil and the evil which You have created in her)

[Reported by Abu Dawud]

4. Consummating the Nikah

When you wants to consummate the nikah, you should say the words reported in the hadith reported by Ibn ‘Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him and his father) from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) who said:

When one of you wants to approach (have intercourse with) his wife, if he says:

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ اللَّهُمَّ جَنِّبْنَا الشَّيْطَانَ وَجَنِّبْ الشَّيْطَانَ مَا رَزَقْتَنَا

‘Bismillahi Allahumma jannibna al-Shaytan wa jannib al-Shaytan ma razaqtana’

(In the name of Allah, O Allah, protect us from Shaytan and protect whatever You give to us from Shaytan)’ – then if they are given a child, Shaytan will not harm it.”)

[Reported by Al-Bukhari]

Conclusion

The first night of marriage is a beautiful and sacred occasion that marks the beginning of a lifelong journey together. As you embark on this new chapter, remember that the essence of consummating your Nikah goes beyond physical intimacy; it is about fostering emotional connection, mutual respect, and spiritual growth. By adhering to the guidelines set forth in Islamic teachings, you can create a nurturing environment that strengthens your bond and lays a solid foundation for your marriage.

Take the time to get to know each other, share your dreams and aspirations, and engage in acts of kindness, such as exchanging gifts and making dua for one another. Begin your union with prayer, inviting Allah’s blessings into your lives, and approach intimacy with patience and understanding.